{"id":11465,"date":"2018-01-27T03:08:19","date_gmt":"2018-01-27T03:08:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/?p=11465"},"modified":"2022-12-01T17:50:07","modified_gmt":"2022-12-01T17:50:07","slug":"thought-id-wearing-robe-something","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/2018\/01\/thought-id-wearing-robe-something\/","title":{"rendered":"I thought I\u2019d be wearing a robe or something."},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

\u201cSo, this just swings over your jacket, and just hook this bit under your\u2026 where\u2019s your tie?\u201d The spindly man from Ede and Ravenscroft held some form of heavy, black wool cloth and cordage out to me.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not wearing one. I don\u2019t own one. Wait, do I need a tie to graduate? I thought I\u2019d be wearing a robe or something?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, the hood goes over your robe and hooks under your tie.\u201d He reiterated, staring at my throat. He wasn\u2019t offering me alternatives. He didn\u2019t see a way out of this situation without my wearing a tie. Also, I was starting to worry that he was looking for more than a tie under my chin \u2013 maybe an artery? He did strike me as the vampire-type. He seemed ready to spring, and had pale, bony hands sticking out of his double-cuffed shirt and three-piece suit. Cold hands in a stifling basement room? And, Ede and Ravenscroft?<\/em> Definite vampire.<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, look I think I saw ties in the college shit they\u2019re selling at the entrance. I\u2019ll be right back.\u201d I didn\u2019t want to draw attention my lack of jacket \u2013 the tie problem was enough.<\/p>\n

Shit. I thought I had this sorted. If there\u2019s one thing I\u2019d learned over the past three years, it\u2019s that any event in London would be uncomfortably hot, cold, wet, or crowded. Given the season \u2013\u00a0and past two weeks of watching parks turn into sandlots \u2013 I banked on it being hot and<\/em> crowded. So, two weeks before the date, I made a special trip to Marks and Spencer on the train, and picked up what I considered to be a smart shirt. I didn\u2019t know that a button-down collar on a short-sleeved shirt isn\u2019t something one wears to a graduation. Especially \u2013 it seemed \u2013 one\u2019s own.<\/p>\n

Everyone I ran past was wearing a suit or posh dress. I was starting to reconsider my lifestyle. A five-foot eleven, 18-stone, bearded transvestite would certainly draw attention, but at least they\u2019d be less warm in a thin cotton dress. Maybe off-the shoulder? Definitely better than doing up the top button, and essentially wrapping a thin scarf around their neck.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, do you know if they sell ties from that stand with all the college shit?\u201d I asked my mate, having run the half-mile from the basement to the entrance. \u201cAnd, what the fuck is a barbican, anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve no idea, but I think there\u2019s only one. This one: The Barbican<\/em>.\u201d I could hear the capital letters.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd yes, I think they have ties. Why, did you forget yours? Are you sure you didn\u2019t leave it with your blazer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind.\u201d He eyed my bare forearms. \u201cYes, ties \u2013 College ties, I think. Over that way \u2013 run. Are all Yanks like you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh hell no. But, remind me to tell you about trailer parks in the desert and why we don\u2019t wear fucking ties and wool coats in the summer. Also, isn\u2019t your country supposed to be grey and rainy? It\u2019s like 90 degrees in here!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it\u2019s 30. And, run.\u201d He pointed toward the foyer.<\/p>\n

The exchange with the man \u2013 also besuited \u2013 selling college shit was essentially more of the same back-and-forth about ties, jackets, and telling glances at my now-sweat-beaded, bare forearms.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have several ties. You can have the colours, or the arms, or\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

I grabbed a nice blue one with shields on, and balked at the price tag.<\/p>\n

\u201cEr, I don\u2019t suppose there\u2019s a student discount\u2026 no? OK, I\u2019ll take it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tying and jogging is a skill I discovered on my way back to the basement. I presented myself again to the gentleman\u2019s tailor to the Duke of Edinburgh, or Prince of Wales, or whatever. \u201cI have a tie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cQuite.\u201d<\/p>\n

He waited while I donned a robe, and hooked the cord around my throat. He struggled not to use it as a garrotte.<\/p>\n

\u201cRight, don\u2019t forget your hat. And remember, you\u2019re not to wear it indoors.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK. Wait, are we going outside?\u201d I asked, hoping I could at least catch a breeze.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. This is an indoor graduation ceremony.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, I\u2019ll just leave the hat then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour hat is required. Just don\u2019t wear it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

Featured Image: “Barbican<\/a>” by Duncan C<\/a>, CC-BY-NC 2.0<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cSo, this just swings over your jacket, and just hook this bit under your\u2026 where\u2019s your tie?\u201d The spindly man from Ede and Ravenscroft held some form of heavy, black wool cloth and cordage out to me. \u201cI\u2019m not wearing one. I don\u2019t own one. Wait, do I need a tie to graduate? I thought […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12113,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1868,34],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11465","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bio","category-life"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/38190605022_0ac7807508_k.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11465","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11465"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11465\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12115,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11465\/revisions\/12115"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12113"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11465"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11465"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11465"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}