{"id":11898,"date":"2020-03-31T04:22:00","date_gmt":"2020-03-31T04:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/?p=11898"},"modified":"2022-11-18T00:12:52","modified_gmt":"2022-11-18T00:12:52","slug":"covid-notes-the-shockwaves-of-future-grief-are-so-great-theyre-already-propagating-into-my-here-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/2020\/03\/covid-notes-the-shockwaves-of-future-grief-are-so-great-theyre-already-propagating-into-my-here-now\/","title":{"rendered":"Pandemic Notes: the shockwaves of future grief are so great, they’re already propagating into my here, now."},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

So, tonight, I’ve experienced unsettling turbulence as I’ve tried to follow and understand news.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, that bone-deep dread is starting to be called due across both my countries. We’ve been watching this wave for a long time, and it’s arrived. A thousand people have died in New York City [1] (and I was planning to be there last week, I’ve friends there now). 381 died only today in the UK [2].<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, I’m not finding the word sombre adequate for the estimates of a quarter of a million American deaths. Not sombre, no; I feel silent, and expectantly sad, like the shockwaves of future grief are so great, they’re already propagating into my here, now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There’s also this surge of anger at leaders’ actions and lies. The confused responses, delayed comment, and failure to articulate analysis (much less actions and restrictions) raise this hatred-like anger. This isn’t the lash-out, snappish anger of tiredness or disappointment. This is a slow-burning furnace-stoked rage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is not right. It is not right. It is not right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The echo in my soul as I see attempted autocrats bluster and opportunists sweep in. As lies are exposed, as fears increase because of intentionally hidden truths, as people die because of some men’s greed and power-hunger. It is not right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s the ancient, primal anger of injustice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, today, I played games my toddler invented. I hid where he told me to. I jumped into the air, clapping in the manner he \u2013 quite meticulously \u2013 showed me. I laughed until my eyes overflowed and my sides ached as he tried sparkling water and spat it out, and he laughed with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I watched children pointing and laughing at geese in a beautiful park I could walk in. I watched an osprey circle for full minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, I remembered half a million people volunteering back home in Britain to help the hospitals. I’ve heard from educators reworking whole systems to keep people learning in ways whole populations couldn’t have done even a few years ago. I’ve read hopeful posts about humanity turning out not to be a hateful wreck, but vast movements of supporting, helpful, empathetic, wonderful, lovely humans [3]. I read hope that the world will learn from this, not just survive it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes the world feels far too heavy. But, it’s not mine to lift. It’s mine and yours and ours together to build up: to love, to live, to create and experience. Despite the terrible flood, this world’s a gift, and we’re given to one another as this human tribe, this sea of wonder and fear and grief and joy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve not been taking my own advice, and haven’t found it easy to create art \u2013 or to just be me. Sometimes, I don’t feel sufficient for all the needs thrown at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Peace be with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[1]: https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/\u2026\/\u2026\/coronavirus-new-york-update.html
[2]: https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/\u2026\/green-shoots-visible-in-uks-f\u2026<\/a>
[3]: https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/\u2026\/\u2026\/31\/virus-neighbours-covid-19<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, tonight, I’ve experienced unsettling turbulence as I’ve tried to follow and understand news. First, that bone-deep dread is starting to be called due across both my countries. We’ve been watching this wave for a long time, and it’s arrived. A thousand people have died in New York City [1] (and I was planning to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11911,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,1618],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11898","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life","category-pandemic-notes"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/ZDB8920.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11898","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11898"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11898\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12882,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11898\/revisions\/12882"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11911"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11898"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11898"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zachbeauvais.com\/host\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11898"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}